Automobile Personality Analysis

Before I start with today's topic, Daddy said this was too cute not to share, so here is Amanda reciting the Christmas Story from Luke 2.

Take that, Linus!

Have you ever noticed how people's cars seem to describe their personality?

Take the Ford Taurus for example...

The Taurus tells people you're a family man. Reliable, steady, with an eye towards value and safety. This is the kind of car Dads drive!

See what I mean? Consider the Cadillac.

The Caddy tells people your children are all grown, and you're anxiously awaiting grandchildren. Now that you have some real disposable income, you want all your peers to recognise it!

So now you're catching on. Let's look at another...

The Mini Cooper! This car says, I'm a real fun girl, and I march to the beat of a different drummer. I dont follow the crowd, I dont even know where the crowd is! This is the kind of car your crazy aunt who cant keep a husband would drive.

What do you suppose the Dodge Caravan says?

This is a Mommy's car! There are at least two child seats, a built-in DVD player, and toys all over. This car tells people, "I'm a mommy", and "I gave up my really cool sports car when I got pregnant." My husband drives a Taurus, and we live on a cul-de-sac.

This is my favourite!

The Trans Am tells people you have a lot of gold jewelry and chest hair! Chicks dig you, and guys want to be you! This is the same car you drove back in college, and even though your wife drives the Caravan, you'll NEVER own a Taurus! There are no child seats, but there are several empty beer cans on the floor in the back. The eight-track still works, however, it's getting harder and harder to locate Frampton, KISS, Toto, or Nugent in eight-track format. You still have a 'mullet'. You think Will Ferrell is the best actor ever!

The Accord!

You're a sensible guy with an eye towards quality and craftsmanship. Your wife drives the exact same car. You have no more than two children and they both are perfect. Your dog is a Golden Retriever, but your wife wants a Cocker Spaniel.

The truck!

If you drive a pick-up, you're telling the world "I've got work to do", and not just any work. You've got big important stuff to do, and it cant be done with any wimpy import either. You need a big American work-horse that can pull your house off its foundation if you need to. The crew cab is just right for a couple of kids, and your wife never gets in it.

Now we're talking!

Who doesn't respect a 'Vette? The Corvette says I have a lot of money, and I'm cool. It could also be saying, "I just turned fifty, and I'm in crisis". You can see the light at the end of the tunnel of mortgage and college debt, and why not blow a little bit of that retirement security? This is your Dad's car when you present him with his first grandchild!

Whoa...Hold on!

The Jag tells the world that you're an executive with a six-figure income, and a trophy wife. You live in the 'prestige' neighbourhood, and have a membership at the country club. Your wife has a cute little nickname like 'Tiffy' or 'Chick', and your dinner parties are the talk of the local society pages. You probably attend the Methodist or Presbyterian Church, but only the big fancy one in town. You'd NEVER subject yourself to a 'contemporary' service.

The Miata!

This is a chick car. Make no mistake about it. If you're driving the Miata, you're telling the world "I'm a chick!" The Miata has an identity crisis, and secretly wishes it were a Mini Cooper. This is the car for the guy who wants a Corvette, but convinces himself that this is just as cool. This is so sad.

Let's not overlook the big SUV!

The really BIG SUV lets people know that you are a woman about 5' 2", 105 pounds. You have one or two average children who attend a marginal public school. You spent more on your 'dubs' than you did on your education. You have a clerical position at the mill. Life is dull and your husband doesn't understand you. The boyfriend you dropped in high school for the 'cool' guy who is now you husband? He's now a surgeon. His son is an Eagle scout. He volunteers for Meals on Wheels. His daughter coordinates the local 'Locks for Love' chapter. She recently donated one of her kidneys to a homeless man so he could continue to provide for his wife and eight children who live with him on the street.

Although not a car, I had to include the MOPED!!!

Driving a MoPed tells people you are concerned with the effects of carbon emissions and greenhouse gasses on our environment. You believe in the imminent threat of global warming and are committed to doing your part to reduce or eliminate your contribution to the crisis. The MoPed also tells people you are a heavy drinker, and were unable to keep your car or license after your last DWI.

I saved the Volvo for last. The Volvo tells people you're a conservative kind of person who values quality, safety, and style. You dont settle for anything less than the very best, and your automobile shows it. You have one to three children. They attend the very best private school like Charlotte Latin, and you're grooming them to take over the family business. The Volvo shouts determination, success, and value!

This is a prime example. If this were a Camaro, Lincoln, or Olds, you'd see old grocery bags, cardboard, and coloured vinyl tape used in the repair. Not the Volvo owner! This is premium plastic used to insulate his home's windows in the cold South Carolina winter climate. That's REAL duct tape, too. Notice how the plastic is wrapped around the lift-gate, on both the inside and out. The taping is not limited to just the area required to secure the plastic to the lift-gate, but is stretched across the full dimension of the lift-gate in nice, straight lines! The license plate is located on the 'outside' of the repair;

a detail often overlooked by the typical home handy-man! You go Mr. Volvo! You reek of suave style and pizzazz!

I hope this information is useful to all of you, and perhaps, it will come in handy when you go to replace your current automobile!